"This Is 'Adventure Scenarios For Free' On National Public Radio."

Hopped in the car to get my kid from school, and what do I hear on the way there?  Why, this story!  Dig:

A former scientist at the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico, who left following a dispute over funding, and his wife — who also worked at the facility — face federal charges in a sting operation built on the scientist's alleged offer to help build Venezuela a nuclear bomb.

...

"He got into a big fight with the Department of Energy after speaking out over its failure to fund a project that he highly supported," Johnson says. "The government wound up investigating him and yanked his security clearance in 1987. He ultimately left and filed a lawsuit.

"Sources tell me he kept on being disgruntled all these years," she says.

Although he had his security clearance pulled more than 20 years ago, Mascheroni was still believed to have posed a danger, Johnson says.

"Sources are telling me that everything he needed to know he kept in his head," she says. "He was able to reconstruct most of what he wanted to know and tell the Venezuelan government allegedly by just thinking back to his experience in the business."

Nice!  there's the beginning of a solid espionage scenario, right there.   You could take that and run with it.  I was already intrigued myself.  So I kept listening, and heard about this:

In July 2008, Mascheroni allegedly delivered a coded, 132-page document detailing the operation to a post office box prearranged as a "dead drop."

Yeah, that's  par for the spy-course, too -- but in my mind, the words "132-page document" turned into "meticulously-copied excerpts from the Necronomicon".

"The monstrous nuclear chaos beyond angled space which the Necronomicon had mercifully cloaked under the name of Azathoth."

Now, granted -- Lovecraft didn't mean "nuclear" as in "weapons".  But any way you slice it, it's easy to think "Azathoth" as in "you're screwed".

So!  How far away is the NPR story from a Delta Green scenario in which the scientist is a disgruntled scholar who has been driven mad with resentment and is willing to sell out to a foreign power to destroy his former bosses?

Well, it's 1.1 miles from my house to my daughter's school.  So...not very.

SURE, A Griffon In A Tomb! Why Not?

Yea, for within Ye Olde Booke of Faces, I do follow the writings of Troll Lord Games (aka Dave Chenault).  Recently wrote he of writing The Castle Keeper's Guide, and lo, spake he in writing of Chapter 12, which shall deal with Monster Ecology.

In the ensuing conversation, one of his other friends (I'm done with the affected speech, by the way) mentioned that he doesn't like running into out-of-place monsters in dungeons.  He gave as example that a carrion crawler belonged in an abandoned tomb, but a griffon?  Not so much.

Fair enough.

Unless you're Rotwang!...

Oh, well, aren't you special...!

Now...I'm not talkin' smack on the other person; I don't roll that way.  What I am talkin' is taking chances on the illogical. Why not make the senseless make some kind of sense?

Frankly, it's something that I should be doing more, too...but, hey!  'Least I thought of it, eh?

Test For Whacko

You know what?  Today is one of those days when I feel like updating my blog, but I haven't anything really important to say.  I just can't think of anything really relevant, but that doesn't curb my enthusiasm.

Ergo, I'm going to start typing a story.  I dunno what it'll be about.

CHAPTER 1

"HEEE-YAAAH!  Bastard dog-sons!" cried Abrago, and threw his would-be assassin's body over the railing into the common room of the inn.  "Have at you!"

With arms outstretched he leapt from the second-level railing, caught hold of the wagon-wheel chandelier, and threw a leg up around its rim.  Below him, Karkanio and his ruffians scrambled to move a table under him, to better reach him and pluck him down.

"Fools, idiots, imbeciles!" the Zingaran cried from atop the chandelier, and rose up to stand on it, gripping the rope.  "Back-births!"  Holding tight to the rope, he drew from his sash a dagger, turned it in his fist, and cut the rope.

He rode the wagon-wheel down.

It fell, crashed upon the table, and crowned no less than three of Karkario's thugs.  "Ha-HAH!" crowed Abrago, and dropped to stand



Crap.  Out of time.

TAPPATA-TAKKATA-TAP-TAP-TAKKA

What's that looming on the horizon? Are we nearing the end of a first draft?

HOLY -- SIEGE Engine Miniatures Rules!

DUDE! I totally just checked out Troll Lord's website, you know, see what was new -- and I see this:

Well, hell-o there...!

WHOA! Slap my mouth and call me Ogden! It's a miniatures game with SIEGE engine rules -- you know, like Castles & Crusades!

This is exciting to me for obvious reasons, and it remains exciting despite the facts that

1. I don't know what's actually in it; and
2. I have no idea when it comes out.

Seriously -- the product's page (click the pic, wink the link) says that the contents "are not fixed yet", and although there's an "Available Now!" link on the page, it's all 404 up in there.

Still -- the price is right. And SIEGE-based mass combat? Like, for Castles & Crusades or just, you know, playin'?

"GUY LIIIIIKE!!"

So. Captions, Huh?

All the cool kids are doin' it.  I WILL, TOO!

"ENSIGN REX....!!"

 

 

 Huh.  Whaddaya know.

What I Did On Labor Day

Not much. Counseled a friend on the relative merits of BRP, D6, Savage Worlds and HEX as pertains to a pulp/mercenaries game. Watched all but the last 10 minutes of TRON, with the commentary turned on. Hung out with my kid, by which I mean "did almost everything she asked me to do". Washed some dishes. Took the cat out for a walk, twice.

You ever see a cat that actually likes a leash? It might not be uncommon, but I guess it's kind of unusual. We put a dog harness on him, hook on a leash, grab on and let him roll.

L'see...what else...? Oh. Uh. Read some internets. Read the second half of the freebie Nemesis rules. Skimmed a bit of GURPS Horror 3rd Edition, as our annual Halloween game is entering the planning stages. Assisted my stepfather in fixing one of our toilets, only to discover that although it now flushes nicely, the tank leaks.

Why am I telling you all this? You don't care about this! You want EXCITING blog posts! Right? Okay. Here, have a busty vampiress.



You do like busty vampiresses, right? Or did I err?

"World Without Syn" Is A Cool "Starblazer Adventures" Blog

I just found it, and figure I oughtta show it to you, my homies. World Without Syn has recaps of the author's game sessions, write-ups of groups, ships, planets, races and more --

-- and deck plans. Lovely, lovely deckplans. Mmm-mmm-Inkscape. Delicioso.

Go lookit. THE SKELETON COMMANDS!

EDIT: DUDE. This post!

HELL DAMN FART

EDIT:

Okay, old comments are back. Thanks, Erin!

Okay, so I added a Disqus widget for comments, so as to stave off those cockgobblers who were spammin' up my blog.

AND IT WIPED OUT ALL THE OLD COMMENTS!

Damn. Are they gone for good?

I'm Writin', I'm Writin'!

Intro, first draft. Rough, but recall what Hemingway said about first drafts.

INTRODUCTION

Politics By Other Means...(PBOM) is a simple game of tactics and combat, suitable for play by everyone from the greenest neophyte to the most battle-worn tabletop commander. Players move their forces (represented by miniatures or other markers) around a simulated tabletop battlefield, shoot at their opponents’ forces, and resolve the outcome with dice -- and logic. Its rules aim to remain simple in its execution, but not mistake “simple” for “simplistic”! In fact, PBOM is capable of such nuance and flexibility as it is rare to find in games of its kind.

Furthermore, the scale of play is variable. The same rules work for a skirmish between a total of a dozen fighters as for a large-scale battle with hundreds on a side. Movement, shooting ranges and the like need not be altered.

Unlike most other wargames, PBOM does not present long lists of charts and variables with which to resolve conflicts. While such things can add verisimilitude and complexity to an otherwise abstract and simple game, PBOM builds these factors straight into its primary conflict resolution system: The Argument.

SAY WHAT?

Arguments are the backbone of PBOM (and its predecessor, Engle Matrix Games). They are nothing more than statements about what could happen in a given situation. The stronger the argument (i.e., the more sense it makes), the likelier it is to happen. Whether or not it happens depends on a dice roll.

Here’s an example: In a SF skirmish scenario, Hal argues that his opponent Lulu’s hovertanks are unable to spot his hovertanks, because they’re hidden behind some rocks. If the scenario is taking place in a rocky area, or in the rubble of a city, that argument would make some sense; it’d be a fairly strong argument. If Hal argues that he’s hiding his tanks behind some rocks in an open field, Hal’s asking too much.

A player present his or her argument and selects another player to judge them. The judge sets the likelihood of success, the player dices for success, and play proceeds accordingly.

Not only does this system allow for the aforementioned nuance and complexity, it allows for all sorts of other things as well -- including changing the rules of the game!

FIGURES AND TERRAIN -- IN OTHER WORDS, THE TOYS

Here in the second decade of the twenty-first century, it’s easy to come across miniatures to represent fighting forces from all eras. Scores of companies make them in multitudes of scales. Selecting, collecting and painting miniatures is a hobby in itself, and one that can very easily turn into a lifelong obsession. They look beautiful and engaging upon a well-presented pretend battlefield, the construction and design of which can be yet another delightful time-sink. Be forewarned!

On the other hand, some players of a more economical mindset (i.e., the cheap ones) prefer to go a different route, and use paper miniatures -- little paper or cardboard figures that stand up on a base and can be printed or copied in the hundreds if need be. Paper miniatures are a great alternative to metal and/or plastic figures because they’re cheap, disposable and easy to store. Plus, there’s the fact that anything that can be drawn can be made into a paper mini. There are tons out there on the internet, both free and inexpensive; look around.

Terrain can also be as simple or as extravagant as you wish (or wish to pay for). Throwing a piece of green felt over some books on a table and indicating a river with some blue tape is no less acceptable than carefully sculpting hills and casting clear polyurethane streams (or purchasing same). The goal is to play, after all; assemble what you feel like.


Whether you choose to buy and paint lavish miniatures or just print up a bunch of little paper zombies, it will be important to observe two criteria:

1. All pieces should be at the same scale (i.e. all 25mm, all 30mm, etc.); and
2. Players should agree, before gameplay begins, what scale their figures actually represent. Does one figure represent one man, or twenty? Are three mounted knights on the same base a whole cavalry group, or just a few guys? This will depend entirely upon the scale of your scenario, of course. Just make sure to agree.

Let's see if this works.

EDIT: No, it didn't. I wrote the outline for PBOM-R! today, and when I copied-and-pasted into Blogger, the text all became invisible.

Nuts. Hey, I saw The Lost Skeleton Returns Again a couple weekends ago. Swank.

The SFRPG Idea Of The (Last Quarter Of This Past) Century

There's no better way to introduce it than to do so directly, so:

ITALO DISCO SCIENCE FICTION ROLE-PLAYING.

What does this mean? Hell, I don't know. All I know is that I was listening to this



and I thought, "If a cyberpunk game would 'sound' like Devo, The Faint, Gary Numan, etc., and a D&D game might 'sound' like Wagner and Basil Poledouris, what kind of game would 'sound' like Italo?"

The answer? I dunno. I'm not gonna hassle with that right now, I got a game to write.

Thanks, guys.

Give Me A Deadline To Write You A Game.

I'm serious.

Chris Engle, creator of Engle Matrix Games, has given me the go-ahead to edit my own version of Politics by other Means... , in much the same way that, say, Dr Holmes edited D&D. (Not that I'm comparing myself to Dr Holmes.)

I want to write up a nice .pdf with a few illustrations, some tables, examples and variant rules. It's not going to be complicated. I want it to be between 10 and 12 pages or so, reasonably-well laid-out, and free to download.

And I need to be held accountable.

If you want it, think of the game as being under ransom -- except that instead of paying me, you encourage me. You ride me to get it done by a certain time.

Please do it. It'll help me more than you know.

Deal?

FREE Mass Combat Game!

I cleared it with author Chris Engle -- here is the latest, short-and-sweet version of Politics By Other Means..., which is now called Tactics MG. Sez he:

Please do spread them! I've been very slow in coming up with a commercial product using the rules. I have ideas but they are far down in my slush pile. PBOM is the set of rules that I use when I run convention miniatures games.

Note that, because of this, the formatting is not fancy. But it's in English,. so you can read it.

DOWNLOAD IT

Talk about -- MASS! MASS COM-BAT!

...yeah, El Zacho Primero and Greyhawk Grognard aaaand...oh, probably lots folks are talking about mass combat today. Funny thing, too, sine I've had the same thing on my mind lately -- as evidenced by my post frm the other day. You read that one, right? OF COURSE YOU READ IT! WHY ON EARTH WOULDN'T YOU HAVE READ IT?!

...yyyeeeeeaaaah...aaannyway, so like mass combat and stuff. Yes. The topic. The topic, and what I think about it.

Let's consider the two ways I'd play a mass combat: Integrated into an RPG session, or as a game of its own...and my favorite angles on both.

My favorite approach to mass combat as part of an RPG session comes from the venerable, unbeatable, most jawsomest RPG ever, Star Wars Second Edition Revised & Expanded* The game's designers suggest that the GM simply create a series of battle-related encounters, preferably ending with a major goal, and run the players through them. The PCs' relative success then dictates how well their side is doing.

Say your PCs are Rebels, and tonight's session involves, I dunno, a large-scale attack on an Imperial outpost. So maybe you come up with the following encounters-slash-goals which the PCs much survive-slash-achieve:

1. Fly the ship past the blockade and hit the rendezvous point
2. Cross about 200 yards of difficult terrain, under fire from Stormtroopers
3. Run across another squad that's under heavy fire; stop and help them or not?
4. Get up to the back door of the installation, and blow it open
5. Get inside and settle some hash

You run your encounters, and if the PCs do well, then the other Rebels do well; maybe subsequent encounters get a bit easier. If the PCs are havin' a rough time, then so do the NPCs. Maybe subsequent encounters get harder. Maybe extra steps get added (maybe they get pinned down behind cover in Encounter 3 and have to find another way across, or somethin'). Maybe your PCs get captured...

This approach doesn't exercise tactics -- it creates drama. Fitting, since Star Wars is a melodrama. What I like about this approach is not only its simplicity but the fact that, in the end, the players are deciding the battle. Their influence is direct.

Obviously, what I like most about mass combat gaming is the story that gets told. Yes, the tactics and stuff are fun; I enjoy that challenge. In the end, though, I like to know that I achieved something. That something happened So when we're talking about miniatures and terrain, my choice is...

...hard to make. Chainmail, for all its...uh...Chainmailness, is very enticing. I haven't played it, but I like the looks of it. Ditto Hordes of the Things -- they're just something that satisfies me about not-too-many figures (I'm cheap) and not-too-many-rules (I'm fast). However, there is a mass combat game that I've played on a few occasions, which scratches my tactical itch and tells me a story at the same time, and that is Chris Engle's Politics By Other Means, also known as Arguments of War.

I've spoken of Chris Engle's Engle Matrix Games before, and here's an updated link to the Matrix rules since the links in that post are 404. [NOTE: the linked rules are a bit more advanced and complex than the Matrix rules which Chris originally showed me, but if you dig around a bit fr the Yahoo! list, you can find different versions.]

The basic gist is this: you roll dice, you move your little men/tanks/battle buggies/warchickens or whatever. If your little men are in range of the other guy's little men, you can attack. Attacking means rolling however many dice (usually one per attacking unit); a roll of 6 "kills" an opponent.

HOWEVER.

Engle Matrix games are built on arguments -- statements that change details and conditions about the people, places, things -the 'matrix'- in the game. And if your unit gets "killed", you can make an argument to "save" it.

Every argument in an Engle Matrix game is rated on its logical strength. The stronger the argument, the more likely it is to happen; the likelier it is to happen, the lower the target number on a d6. A referee, or a neutral player, rates the arguments.

"The Duke's archers don't kill my footmen because they have shields. They can hunker down under 'em. 'SWHIFF! SWOOOFFFSH! *duck and cover* PLUNK PLUNK PLUNK!' Like that."

"I dunno. Those shields are kinda puny, and your guys are a bunch of peasant levies armed with castoffs from Count Jackwagon's guard, and they were all ghetto to start with. it's a Weak argument -- roll 5 or better."

Or

"The demon dogs don't kill all my Nelwyns -- they just slow 'em down. They can't move next round, have to dice against 'em again next turn. Remember, I made the earlier argument that Vohnkar is the captain of this unit, and he's the best warrior in the village!" "That's a fair compromise; Strong, 3+."

Or

"No, your dragon doesn't kill my M1 Abrams tank because the driver is A. J. Foyt, and he dodges!"

"Uhhh...that's...no."

And so it goes. As you can see, it gives you all the fun of army men and styrofoam hills with the added logical complexities of real battle situations -- plus a story gets told. Since arguments build on each other, as we saw in the Vohnkar example above, these rules are tremendous for campaign play -- say you have a particular unit that keeps killing and not dying, so you decide that after a while they build up a reputation or something, and become more effective when fielded. "Okay, your guys are, like, 'Holy crap! That A. J. Foyt's tank!' They run away. MUA HA HA HA HA HA!"

You want the rules? Lemme know, I'll hook you up.


Okay, I've been at this for hours.

I SLEEP NOW!

*You may disagree. That's fine. That's fine, 'cause you ugly.

Wither Goblinoid's Wilderness Mapping Tools?

I downloaded them, and I think the folder got eaten by my computer. Now, I can't find 'em on line.

Anyone know where they got to -- or have a backed-up copy that I may dupe, please?

Daydreamin'

ROTWANG!: The bad guys' SUV is headed straight for the tarmac! There's a Learjet idling there, waiting for Camacho. They're gonna get there in, like, a round. Two guys with guns, by the way, by the plane's open hatch-thing.

PLAYER 1: Can we get there in one round?

ROTWANG!: Uh...yeah, but the difficulty for any maneuvers would go up.

PLAYER 1: Screw it. I put the pedal down and t-bone 'em before they get to the plane.

ROTWANG!: !!

PLAYERS 2 & 3: WHOA!

ROTWANG!: Holy...! Okay! That's Driving plus two dice for your van's speed, and one-die-plus-one more for maneuverability.

PLAYER 1: [gathering up 6 dice] Difficulty?

ROTWANG!: Uh...forget it, just roll. They're gonna roll, too, you just gotta beat them. VRRRRRM! [rolls dice] WHOAOOOOOOOOH...! Beat a twenty-three!

PLAYER 2: C'mon, man. You can do it.

PLAYER 3: I lean out the window and shoot with my Uzi.

PLAYER 1: [rolls dice] I got a--

...damnit. I'm at work.

Greeks On The Moon!

Here's how ideas happen to me.

My wife and I are reading to our daughter a book called "Ancient Greece: Archaeology Unlocks the Secrets of Greece's Past", a National Geographic book for kids (which my daughter chose, by the way).

Tonight I began Chapter 3: "Greeks on the Move". I read the chapter title out loud, and my wife said:

" 'Greeks on the Moon' ?!"

We all had a good chuckle, especially as Lily started to describe how they'd all be floating around up there, and I said, "Yeah, and their helmets would have big beards on 'em. And they'd wear, like...vacuum-sealed togas." My wife suggested, "Wearing magnetic sandals." To which I in turn added, "And their ships would look like owls."

...and the idea hit me: Ancient Greece, But With Starfaring Technology. Togas. Lasers.

That idea was enticing enough already but -- excuse me.

ATTENTION KMART:
YOU AND YOUR DAMN BACK-TO-SCHOOL COMMERCIALS
LEAVE "WE GOT THE BEAT" THE %#╣ƒ ALONE.
YOU'RE ON NOTICE.

-- but later, as Lily was brushing her teeth, she said to the mirror:

"MAYANS ON THE MOOOOOOOOOON...!"

Oh.

My.

Whammo.

Two great ancient civilizations, taking to the stars in anachrotech, and clashing over control of space.

And I --

--

-- WOW.

Too bad I'm tired and ready for bed.

More Mini Six Love: The Willow Connection!

Okay. Y'know how I said the new Mini Six Bare Bones has some campaign settings in it? Well, they're all based on recognizable settings. The standard fantasy setting, in particular, is very very obviously inspired by A Fantasy Movie That George Lucas Made In 1988.

That's right -- "Rust Moon Of Castia" gots some Willow in it.

NOW, WAIT! It's not, like, a total rip-off of Willow. If it were, I wouldn't be mentioning it. No; I'm mentioning it becuase it takes some of the core ideas from Willow and makes them BETTER.

Well, for gaming, anyway. Here, lemme 'splain.

I've always wanted to play a game based on Willow; I have spoken warmly of Allen Varney's The Willow Sourcebook, after all, and have trumpeted its merits. Trouble is that what makes the world cool is kind of what already happened to the characters in the movie; it'd be hard (and lazy) to just up and duplicate it at the table.

So my idea, a few years ago, was to run a sequel to Willow. In a world untouched by Chris Claremont, the movie's characters are all NPCs: Sorsha and Madmartigan are Queen and king of Tir Asleen, only Madmartigan's been missing for years (and is suspected of -what else?- philandrering); Willow is busy learning to be the High Aldwin of his village; Elora Dannan is a teenager manifesting kewl powarz or whatever. Burglekutt is still a choad. For conflict, I would re-introduce Bavmorda -- breaking out of Witch Jail or wherever it was that Willow and Raziel sent her via the ritual Of Obliteration, she's gearing up for revenge with all kinds of extra-dimensional nasties on her side.

Whatever. I never followed it. because...whatever.

Aaaah...but "Rust Moon of Castia"...! Now we're talkin'. "Castia" presses the reset button in a most definitive way -- different world, very similar concepts. The Radiant Queen and her Scarlet Horde have taken over the kingdom, and she's turned the great city of Devmora into a multi-tiered fortress, from where she seeks out the 13 "vessels", females who bear the Mark of Radiance -- prophesied to...I dunno, undo her, I guess. Meanwhile, this, and I quote:

Tarsis Elon: The last of the four fortresses to fall, it suffered the
worst of the four curses. All who once lived there are now encased
in translucent stone, alive but entombed. For each year that passes
in the outside world, these poor souls age a single day. If any are
chiseled free time comes rushing upon them bringing immediate
death by old age. Still, more than a curse was left to watch Tarsis.
Monsters, minions, and shadows without name haunt this
doomed sanctuary. Rumors abound about what is still kept here.
Some claim a great vault filled with gold, others speak of lost
magics. Even if only a cache of ancient weapons, it would be a
great fortune to those fool hearty enough to try and claim them.

Add Brownies, little folk named Hannedyns ("Out of the way, Speck!"), stats for a two-headed leviathan and some hairy trolls...

...aw, who am I kidding. You're not reading this anymore. You went to downlod it and read it yourself, right?

Mini Six Bare Bones: IT'S DAMN MEATY!

DUDE!! AntiPaladin Games has a new "Bare Bones" edition of Mini Six available. Ha! "Bare bones" my eye. It's 38 pages long and includes campaign settings and --

-- Stop reading this blog post and GO DOWNLOAD THIS NOW. Well, first read this: Tip of the energy dome to Mike's Amazing RPG Fun Pad for beating me to it. You're a good man, Mike.

OKAY STOP READING GO DOWNLOAD GO GO GO.

The "A"

Because it's important to me.

Introducing Duke Hardcastle!

Here's a bit of fiction I wrote...uh...one time, I forget when. One of those things that just pops out, y'know? Go ahead, read it. Short. In English. Easy.

By the way: No, he's NOT Zap Brannigan -- for reasons that WILL become clear.

-1-

Captain Duke Hardcastle leaned forward in his command chair and watched space go by on the forward view screen. He rested his chin on his fist, and took a moment to collect his thoughts. His fingertips closed on a toggle switch on the chair's arm, but before he could switch on his log recorder, the bridge door swished open.

Hardcastle recognized First Officer Lana Vavoom's footsteps; the click of her stiletto-heeled boots was most distinctive. (Vavoom's boots were not Starfleet reg, but Captain Hardcastle and his crew enjoyed many privileges as a result of their track record.) He could see her hips swaying in his mind's eye, and he delighted in the image until she came to stop at his elbow.

"Captain," the brunette purred, "I have just finished reviewing the data scanned from the Hesperus." Vavoom leaned forward and placed a clipboard on the arm of the chair, brushing his arm as she withdrew. Hardcastle looked up in time to see her smoldering eyes linger on him with want. He supressed a smile.

"Thank you, Commadeer Vavoom," he said. He took the clipboard and looked it over. His left eyebrow lifted. "Sabotage?"

"So it would seem, Captain." Vavoom cocked her hip in his direction. "I have prepared a detailed breakdown of my assessment. It's in my quarters," she breathed, biting her lip, "if you'd care to -- "

"Excuse me, Captain," said Chief Communications Officer Lieutenant Anjelica Sanchez, turning slightly in her chair and pointing a dangling foot at him, "we're receiving a message from Starfleet."

"On-screen, Lieutenant," he replied. She smiled coyly and winked at him, her hands working the controls.

The stars on the forward view screen snapped away and were replaced by the squint-eyed, chubby face of a middle-aged man with male pattern baldness.

"Captain Hardcastle!" the man fairly squeaked. His eyes roamed around the bridge. "How are...things?"

Hardcastle stood. "Admiral Hutchens!" he said, "Things --" and here he followed the older man's eyes, which rested squarely upon Ensign Svetlana Svobodova (more precisely, on her thighs) "-- are well."

"I'll say," said Hutchens.

"Yes. To what do we owe the honor of your communication, Admiral? Admiral?"

Ensign Svobodova tossed a quick look at her captain and turned to hide her legs under the helm control panel. Only then did Hutchens clear his throat and speak.

"Ah! Yes! Hello, Captain Hardcastle."

"Hello, Admiral." Hardcastle rocked on his heels and placed his hands on his hips, all but glaring at his superior. "How can my ship assist you." He made the statement sound like an order, implying the "hurry up and tell me how" that preceded it.

"Er..." Hutchens hesitated; he squeezed one eye shut, looked askance with the other, then appeared to look at his shoes. "Ah! Captain Hardcastle."

"Just a moment please, Admiral," Hardcastle said. Then, to Lt. Sanchez: "I'll take this in my quarters." He turned to leave the bridge.

"Aye, Captain." Sanchez worked the controls and, under her breath, voiced the thought that every other woman on the bridge clutched with red-hot desire:

'I wish he'd take me in his quarters.'

* * *

PSSSSST! Billy Idol's "Cyberpunk"!

Oh, ho ho ho! You'd forgotten aaaaaaaall about this album, hadn't you? AAAAH, HA HA HA HA!! Monster that I am, HERE IT IS AGAIN. Ha!

Ha ha! Ha.

I actually don't like this album.

Truth be told, it was a fairly innovative bit of work. Released in 1993, it was one of the first (if not THE first) albums to include a multimedia packet -- if you purchased the special edition, you got a floppy disk with some clip art, interviews, sound samples and stuff. (I didn't buy that one, though.) So it had that going for it. Other'n that, it wasn't well-received.

Oh, I ran out and bought it with a quickness, though. Why? I was 18 years old when it came out, it was a Billy Idol album, and it was called Cyberpunk. SOLD, sucka. WHAM! Like that. I'd been into the cyberpunk aesthetic since the late 1980s (figure '88 or so) and was really into it when 1993 rolled around. I had read Neuromancer*, Count Zero and Burning Chrome, loved Blade Runner, was totally-motally into cybernetics and was just generally in wubb with the whole thing. Also I owned this:


And so there I was -- late July 1993 -- dashing out to the store, buying the CD, rushing back home, plopping it in the CD player --

-- and I listened to it, like, twice.

Well, no, wait. The big single from it, "Shock To The System"? I listened to that a little more. It wasn't too bad. It starts out with the sound of breaking glass, then some guitars and an up-tempo beat. Billy screams and screeches on it, growls some kinda vague lyrics inspired by the 1992 Los Angeles Riots with some askew references to Rodney King aaaannnnddd... uh... he says "c'MAWN!!" a whole bunch, and you kinda bob your head for a while and maybe you picture motorcycles driving really fast but then it's over and the rest of the album is kinda meandering and limp.

I know all of this because, this morning, I grabbed it off the shelf and popped it in the car stereo for my drive to and from work. I skipped around a lot, and ended up thinking,

"This ain't got no pancake mix."

Ah, well. There's always --

*Reportedly, this is more than Billy himself did, despite naming a track "Neuromancer". Check this bit I found on WikiPedia:

As part of press junkets promoting the album, Idol reportedly insisted attending journalists be familiar with cyberpunk fiction. It was also revealed that Idol was not entirely as familiar with the genre as he had proclaimed. William Gibson reported in an interview, "A London journalist told me when Billy did his 'Cyberpunk' press junket over there, he made it a condition of getting an interview with him, that every journalist had to have read Neuromancer...Anyway, they all did but when they met with Billy, the first thing that became really apparent was that Billy hadn't read it. So they called him on it, and he said he didn't need to..he just absorbed it through a kinda osmosis."

¡EXTREME VENGEANCE, CABRONES!

Hey, everybody! Remember all the fun I had playing Extreme Vengeance back in the late 1990s? I sure do! (I hope you don't. That'd be weird.)

I dunno if it's because I saw a TV spot for last night during The Expendables last night during Futurama, or if it's just another example of how my "brain" "works". Whatever the cause, I started thinking about this game today, and had the urge to throw together a muy macho one-off movie, why not.

Funny thing, though -- the urge is not a nostalgic one, and it's certainly not a "rose-colored glasses" thing. Extreme Vengeance is flawed; I knew it then and I know it now, and in neither day does it matter. The game is just fun.

You roll a bunch of d6s, make ridiculously bold pronouncements about your character and his/her abilities, beat the crap out of extras, get bonuses for uttering cheesy catchphrases and generally eschew "serious" gaming for the "jawsome" kind.

True -- you can engage in shenanigans of that sort no matter what game you're playing. It's not about rules; it's about attitude. Now, I don't mean "attitude" as in "the thing movie badasses have" (although that factors into this style of play), but rather a free, unconcerned attitude towards fun.

Pure fun. Unselfconscious.

Pantsless.

I want some of that fun. Playing Extreme Vengeance can gimmie some of that fun. I have the rulebook.

All I need is time and cohorts, and it's problem solved.

CHAINMAIL Headscratch Theatre

So...I don't get it. 1 figure = 20 men, right? And (for instance) each 4 light foot that attack 1 heavy horse roll 1 die, and kill on a 6 -- but do they kill ONE OF THE TWENTY HORSES THAT THE FIGURE REPRESENTS, or THE WHOLE FIGURE WHICH REPRESENTS 20 HORSES?

I dunno, man. I'm not stupid, but I feel like I'm missing something.

So the other week I read a battle report of an attack on the moathouse. (You know which moathouse. You read blogs like this one.) It sounded all cool and stuff and I thought, "Hey, I gotta check out the Chainmail, what with its ties to OD&D and stuff." So I got a copy and started reading, but I'm not quite sure I get it.

Why don't get it?

WHY DON'T I GET IT?!

I Wanna Play A Wargame!

Dammit! C'mon, now! Miniatures on little bases, movement measured in paces, multiple figs to a base!

STRIKER! Hordes Of The Things! Dangit! I wanna play those!

GRRRRRRRRRHHHWHHAAAARRRRRGGGFFFGGGGGG!

...maybe if I stopped, you know, howling...

I've Got Something For Everybody.

I mean that in two ways.

WAY NUMERO UNO:
I have this blog and I never update it. I never update it because I feel like I have nothing to say. That's a misconception on my part; I have lots to say. Hell, all I do all day is think of things to say. They're just not not as much about gaming all the time.

No! Wait! I'm not leaving the hobby. No way, no how. Bury me with my dice (you'll need an extra coffin). No, what I mean is that, at present, gaming isn't taking up any of my time, because I can't seem to get a damned game in. Yeah, I know, I complain about that a lot, and whose fault is it that I --

Ah. No We're not gonna do that. I have Sundays free for gaming. Not everyone else does, damnit.

As a result, my gaming-related thoughts are kind of...well, not in a holding pattern, just kind of mediocre. There's nothing new up there, just normal stuff that I can't make happen.

I'm kinda sore about it. I'm suppressing the depression, really.

"So why don't I just blog about other stuff for a while," I think to myself, "and just see what comes out? Just use the blog as a dumping ground for anything that I think of, not just gaming stuff? It's not like anyone reads it anyway."

RESOLVED: I will post more frequently, but I am not Jeff Rients, Zak S, Jim Maliszewski, James Raggi or anyone else who gets people excited about the hobby. What I am is Dr Rotwang!, and that mofo is freaking nuts and damn he says some crazy stuff.

And everybody likes damn crazy stuff.



WAY NUMERO TWO-O:

You know that DEVO just released a new album, right? It's called "Something For Everybody", and I have a copy. Here, look at it.


I keep listening to it and thinking, "No WAY these guys are in their fifties or whatever." This album kicks ass, plainly stated. It is energetic, snarky, cynical, clever and witty, exactly like you remember DEVO being.

Funny thing: The everything about the album --the songs, the cover, the band's new uniforms-- was chosen by committee. The boys released the material and had the fans choose what would be in there, hence the title. The result is freaking awesome...

...with one exception.

Track 9.

"Cameo".

Now..."Cameo" is not a bad song, it's just...it's dumb. I mean, it sounds like DEVO, but it sounds like DEVO just kinda being deliberately WTF -- and not, to me, in an interesting way. What is this song doing here, when "Watch Us Work It" (you know, from the Dell commercial) was an option? (You can buy the LP, which is struck on clear blue vinyl, and get a bonus CD of the songs that didn't make the cut, but I don't have that. I also misspelled 'vinyl' the first time around.) It's the only song I skip. Bah.

A small problem, made all the smaller by the strength of the other tracks, especially "Fresh", "What We Do Is What We Do", "Human Rocket" and "Something For Everybody" -- each and every one a devolved earworm if ever there was one. Geez, just typing the word "Fresh" has the song stuck in my head...

My daughter loves this CD. You don't need a daughter to share it with, though.

RESOLVED: Getcha some.

Wow. Just -- just WOW.

DOODLE TIME! (Aunt Betty's Birthday Edition)

Long story, short: My Aunt Betty, with whom I've always been close, wanted handmade or homemade stuff for her birthday this year (our family picks a theme for gifts, see). My Mom told me about it last night; the party was today. Ergo:




She liked it.

The Game I Would Have Designed When I Was 16

Oh, man. My brain at sixteen.

Suddenly and out of nowhere today I was thinking about this girl I knew from my MUSHing days, and about the characters we'd affect and their backstories and stuff. That was in my late teens, early twenties, really, but my mentality wasn't far off from 16.

Then I thought of what Luc Besson said about making The Fifth Element -- specifically, that it's the movie he wanted to make when he was a teenager, and in fact he started writing it when he was in high school.

Then I thought of the girl and the characters again, and it hit me -- I don't think like that any more, but it sure was fun. It was freaking epic, and angsty, and romantic and sweeping and personal and --

-- and very sixteen.

And it would be fun to do it again.

I used to have a grand dream of being a filmmaker myself. That dream looks like this now:


-- but I can sift through the rubble and salvage a few things that I could use to build a campaign setting:

• Starships, big and small
• Some kind of techno-magical do-dad with a far-fetched explanation
• Themes of virtue and frailty
  
• A huge-ass scope, probably even multiversal
• Idealized, epic, dramatic romantic love
• Great forces, most likely representing abstract concepts given form, clashing with each other with the fate of the multiverse at stake
• High melodrama featuring friendship, betrayal, alliances made and broken, expressed on both the galactic and personal scales
• Pyrrhic victories aplenty
• Teen angst and soap opera
• Rubber science
  
• Duels!
• Swords!
• Blasters!
• Adolescent commentary on the inherent weakness of humanity, and society's tendencies towards apathy/closed-mindedness/conformity/repetition/stagnation
• Tragic romance
• More teen angst
• Dashing space pirates and wizards, blowing shit up in space
• Did I mention the starships?

In short, sort of like Star Wars and Fading Suns Meet Square Pegs At Planescape's House.

Soundtrack by The Alan Parsons Project.