AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEE

Busy at work haven't posted hopefully soon but MIAMI VICE Seasons 1 & 2 on DVD AIIIIEEEEEEEEE WHERE DID JANUARY GO?!

(The Shareef Don't Like It) Prepping The Sandbox

Get it? Ha ha ha!

Ha...! Uh...

...

...right. Okay, Devin, I got your back! Recently, in a post about sandbox play, you commented thusly:

"I love the idea of the sandbox approach. I really like being able to afford the PCs freedom to go where they will, do as they please, etc. I like the idea of having numerous plot threads and subplots that they can encounter and become involved with to whatever degree they choose to (or not at all). "My only hesitation here is the amount of prep-work this would appear to require. Any thoughts?"

Yes. Yes, I do. I will share them with you, and anyone else who reads this damn thing.

It can require lots of prep. But can isn't must, so you know what I do?

I prep very little.

My key is to prep as little as possible, really, and just add little bits here and there. The game I'm running for my wife, f'rex, started with her character's hometown, a nearby forest, some ruins, a tower and not a lot else. I scrawled a quick map, Amber made a character and I mulled over what might be in the ruins. (I eventually changed my mind on it, by the way.) I let her decide which potential adventure site she wanted to hit up, and I let a combination of charts and old-fashioned spur-of-the-moment BSing do the rest.

That was enough for one short evening of exploration, and in between games, I added a few other details, from NPCs to adventure sites. Using the old Wilderlands of High Fantasy idea of five-mile hexes, I started developing the land around the home hex, little by little: A town here, a lake full of monsters there, a forest, a pyramid.

Yes, a pyramid! It's useful to throw things on the map, at whim, and then explain them later. I still don't know what the hell a pyramid is doing in a pseudo-European vanilla FRPG setting. I can pencil in details later, though. Stick names on things and explain them on the go.

So I have a little sandbox. And every now and then, as I think of something, I lay the bait for it: "While in the inn,you hear a bard singing about the nearby Forest of the Mystic Kings." "When she mentions Dukesbourne, which you know is west of here, you think about that weird pyramid just south of it." She'll bite when she's ready.

In the meantime, I build out of spare parts. In one box, I have all the random, incidental crap that I get off of charts. Recently, an NPC has developed from randomly-rolled street-peddler encounter to a recurring character -- one who has provided a brief encounter hook already, and who may be much more. Another got himself kidnapped and his rescue provided a whole adventure!

In addition to random bits, I have old and unused ideas. I cannibalize my old notes for other games and use stuff that's interesting -- or just convenient. Months ago, I wrote up a 2nd-level female elven wizard, with a few character notes and a physical description. Guess what type NPC I ended up needing last night?

In summary: If you play your cards right, you can let the prep do itself.

Oh, yes. I could do more. So much more.

But you know what?

Pfffft.

Rogue Mistress

Now and again, my FLGS gets some used stuff and puts it up for sale and I, lover of old RPG stuff, go running like a fat boy in lead shoes to see what I can see. One time, I found Stormbringer 4th Ed. and a companion campaign book, Rogue Mistress. I'd seen ads for it in old Dragons and had no idea what the hell it was about, but my wife liked the look of it and we had some extra monetary units so WHAM.

"The multiverse", says a description of the product, "is a complex system of intertwined universes, each unique, with peculiar physical laws, varying influences of the gods of Law and Chaos, and differing in the degree to which the use of magic and technology are effective.

"Heroes of sufficient cunning and ability traverse the physical barriers between these universes by means of special devices, spells, or magical portals. Risking their very existence, such heroes reap the reward of fabulous magical knowledge or exotic technological weaponry.

"The Rogue Mistress is a vessel able to navigate among these million universes - a pirate ship of ancient origin, captained by the beautiful Maria de Tres Pistolas who leads an exotic free-booting crew gathered from across the Million Spheres."

There, now we all know about the same amount about it.

The other day I was looking over it. There's a lot to read, so I was really just skimming. However, I keyed in on a few vital points about this campaign:

1) It's a Multiverse-hopping campaign, presumably taking PCs from one reality to the other in search of some MacGuffin;

2) The Rogue Mistress is a multiverse-hopping sailing ship, on which the PCs travel; and

3) It has a laser cannon on it.

Forget the busty gunchick on the front, man. "Multiversal sailing ship with a laser cannon" got my blood pumping. She's not that good-looking anyway.

I've never run a game that spanned multiverses, but I was really keen on the idea as a teenager. A lot of my angsty teener "Someday-I'll-Make-This-Into-A-Movie" story idea revolved around multiverses and realities and blah blah blah, but I got over it and kinda stuck the notion in a mental box somewhere and then I think I piled up some old blankets over it, or a burro, or something.

Looking over the book, though, made me go, "Hmmm."

The way I see it, I have a few options for using this thing.

A) I could learn Stormbringer, and run it in its native environment;

B) I could convert to another system, and still use the plot at least; or

C) I could take inspiration from it and run my own damn thing with my own damn techno-magical anachronism Bustass-Wagon.

Hmmm.

What would Thrazar do...?

Most importantly, what if instead of a ship, it were a Damnation Van...?

Sandboxes, Paradigm Shifts, And The Fake Lamborghinis They Sometimes Contain

There's a thread on The RPG Site about sandbox-style games. "The Sandbox - Real Or Illusion?" asks Seanchai. "Personally, I don't get it. From what I heard, sandbox style play seems to be, well, just like regular ol' play," he says. "It seems to me that the differentiation between sandbox style play and any other type of play is largely semantics."

I thought my reply was relevant enough to the blog that it ought to be cross-posted. Don't worry, it's in English.

For me, there is a distinction and it's very important.

Mainly, it's because I let myse-- no no, no, I suckered myself into the notion that a good RPG was fun, but a great one had plot, mise-en-scene, mood, themes, pacing...all the things that make a great movie, say, or a great book, or a thrill ride.

At one point, an influence came at me from an unexpected angle, and I set about rethinking my playstyle, my GMing, my...my everything.

The catalyst: Grand Theft Auto - Vice City.

I got really into playing that game, and became enraptured with the free-roaming, exploratory nature of it. It was an open world, with a few ground rules; it had definite plot threads to follow, sub-plots and side-plots, mini-games and great tunes.

I started thinking of Vice City as a fun (if not exactly safe) place to inhabit, and started thinking things like, "Why not do this on a table-top?"

Then, I noticed my Intercomputerweb gamer cronies talking about "sandbox"-style gaming, and I heard that GTA:VC's designers took a "sandbox" approach, and then I went, "Aaaah, sandbox. Yes, this is an idea that I like."

Then, on a trip out of town, I bought this solo RPG at a discount bookstore, and it had a map in it, and the first part of the solo said, "You wash up on shoe; which way do you go?" And I was, like, "HOLY CATS, THIS IS WHAT I, AS A GAMEMASTER, HAVE BEEN MISSING OUT ON."

The idea of sandbox-style games, therefore, is definitely of importance to me because although it's not new or revolutionary or even all shiny and neon and light-up and thumpy like New Order's "Blue Monday", it's the idea that re-energized me as a GM.

I'm gonna cross-post this to my blog.

So I did. BONUS IMAGE!

My Favorite Judges' Guild Cover EVER

You recognize it immediately, don't you?

Of course you do. Because even if you've never seen this product before, you know exactly where you've seen that guy before -- it's Luke Skywalker.

Okay, okay, it's a drawing based entirely upon a still photo of Mark Hammil as Luke Skywalker in The Best Movie Ever Ma- uh, The Empire Strikes Back, only the artist changed his features a bit and added a background and sharpened his lightsaber a bit.

In a sense, you should, by rights, look at this picture, recognize El Skywalkero, and be immediately yanked out of the fantasy. I mean, I was, at first, anyway.

But today? Today I look at it and I think, Man, some dude got that art assignment and said, "I'm gonna put Luke Skywalker in there, HA!"

AWESOME.

Suddenly, Gypsies!

Totally! I had no plans for gypsies to roam around in my new FRPG world, but -- hell, I rolled on the chart and there they were, randomly being encountered by my wife's PC while on the trail of a missing priest.

Of course, one of 'em looked like a young Steven Van Zandt. He had to, because --

Here, look at him. Only, uh, picture him smiling:

"Aaah, good day, my damsel! I am Anselo,

and you are most fortunate that our paths have crossed!"

Fortuitous, indeed -- the caravan was a trading caravan, and they had a nice shortbow to sell, thing which Amber's character was wanting to own, being that she just had her +1 elven longsword (which came from an animate skeleton in the ruins of an elven keep, not The Cleft of Forgotten Swords, incidentally) and nothing for range.

An older gypsy woman offered the bow for sale, along with a quiver full of arrows -- made of the soft leather which I decided these particular gypsies have lots of. "How much?" said Amber's character, Orsala.

"Here you learn," I said to her, "that asking a gypsy 'How much?' is rarely a wise thing to do."

"I had no way of knowing," she replied.

"Of course not. The woman, " I continued, "simply smiles. 'Oh! But I leave that up to you!'"

Already on her guard because -- well, because gypsies --, she declined to haggle over the nice bow, which I described in detail and everything. No problem; it was just a random encounter.

But it turned into a role-playing encounter, and a world-building encounter. Because now, we know that my world has gypsies, that they have a bad rep, that they work a lot with a soft, pliable leather, and that there's a culture somewhere called the Ath...uh, the Art...I forget, but I wrote it down -- ANYWAY, that there's a culture somewhere that carves ascending spiraled ribbons onto their bows. We also know that Orsala isn't comfortable with haggling, and that she doesn't want a bow that badly.

Because I rolled up a caravan of gypsies on a chart in Castle Zagyg.

How else do you define a winning situation?

Let's top it off with another benefit of my new world element:

Not much use to my wife's character. But, fellas, I know you thought of it.

IMPORTANT NOTE: No offense is meant to any real-world gypsies out there. These are fantasy-archetype gypsies, really just based on, you know, the romantic notion of gypsies in movies and cartoons and such. We're all of us friends here, 'cept some of us look better with scarves on our heads.

In Memory Of Gary Gygax

By now, we all know -- Gary Gygax, co-creator of Dungeons & Dragons and, by extension, every dang thing that came after it, has died.

He have expressed our shock, we have mourned, we have wept...we've all done what we have been moved to do.

As an agnostic, I'm only certain of one type of afterlife: What you leave for others to experience. By this measure, E. Gary Gygax is pretty well assured immortality, and as others will derive joy from what he made, I guess that puts him in the, what? Neutral Good pantheon?

For my own part, I observed his passing by playing Castles & Crusades with my wife last night, and using his Castle Zagyg encounter tables to boot. Nothing fancy, nothing epic; just a dungeon crawl with some clever kobolds and insidious ancient traps of elven make. It was her character's third attempt to finish the dungeon, and she decided to make a tactical retreat for now. There's plenty of other world for her to explore outside of those dungeon walls, anyway, and at the moment, a missing cleric to track down and possibly rescue.

So here's how I will pay tribute to E. Gary Gygax: by doing what he did. By playing a fantasy game and sharing the joy it brings me and making stuff up and looking at everything as a possible adventure, a tale not yet told, by happily using anagrams and generally being master of the fun dungeon.

My world has no name yet, but it will have a few anagram-named NPCs. I don't know who Sire Cauvo is, yet; I just came up with the name a few minutes ago.

But the ladies will love him, or at least, he'll think they do.

Rest In Peace, Mr Gygax. I will treasure what you left me and honor your memory by sharing the joy.

Spot On, 'Cept I'd Looker Dumber In Heels

I took this quiz today.

Your Score: The Swashbuckler

You scored 79% flamboyance, 72% honor, and 73% urbanity!

You are a swashbuckler, quick of wit and quicker of blade. A defender of the weak and a force for justice, you nevertheless enjoy the finer things in life -- a glass of wine, a gorgeous cloak, and the company of the opposite sex.

Link: The 2nd Edition AD&D Warrior Kit Test written by thealmightyajax on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test View My Profile(thealmightyajax)

I think it's cool the picture they chose was a girl, though. Girl swashbucklers rawk. That bit about the glass of wine is WAAAAAY off, but the rest...?

Holy Writ

I thought this was funny, so I'm re-posting it from a post I wrote on The RPG Site. Now, you're going to read it.

So it came to pass that Dr Rotwang! sought to know what The Goddess Eris thought of using D6 vs. d20 for playing Star Wars. Thus he fasted for 5 weeks and partook of no hot dog buns, and upon the last day of his fasting, he traveled to the holiest place in Hoosierville, which is in his closet, where the ties are kept.

"Goddess!" he said to the tie rack. "I have come to you in search of an answer. I prefer using D6 for Star Wars, but many of my fellows are seduced by the d20 version. I have fasted for 5 days! I mean, weeks! Please," he continued, "if I am wrong, send me a sign!"

He stood and waited for a while. No answer came.

"Screw it," he said, "I'll do whatever I want to." He walked out of the bedroom, past the cat, and into the living room, where his D6 stuff resides.

Thus he was enlightened.

-- The Horsepuckey Chronicles of Rotwang!, Book II Part 9, p. 12, next to the scribbled picture of a chick in fishnets

The Cleft of Forgotten Swords

You wanna know why I game?

It's because of the sheer joy I can derive from simple, simple things. Check this out:

The other night, I was running some sandbox-style C&C for my wife. She was in a forest, headed for some known ruins, and chanced upon some rangers, whom I made up on the spot -- a chipper, helpful elf lass and her surly hobling companion. I rolled up names for the two, and she asked them which way it was to the ruins.

"About a mile-and-a-half west of here," said Gartheniel, chaotic-good female elf ranger level 2. "Past the big boulders and -- "

I paused. I wanted some sort of local landmark, but didn't know what. Knowing that the terrain is uneven and hilly (like Brown County, IN, just north of here), I decided it'd be a a ravine or something.

"What's another word for 'ravine'?"

"Ummm...crevice," she offered. "Canyon...?"

"Cleft!" I said. "The Cleft of..." Then I reached for the Risus Companion, and its table of random fantasy place-names. Shooka-shooka. "Gartheniel says, 'About a mile-and-a-half west of here, past the big boulders and The Cleft of Forgotten Swords. Do you know why it's called that?' " That's a dang helpful elf.

At this point I told her what Gartheniel knew: That a long time ago, the elves of the Greywood Forest were in a war with invading monstrous humanoids. The elves were reduced to hit-and-run, guerilla tactics. One particular elf captain sent some of his men to the cleft, to store some magic swords there -- a hidden weapons cache. When the elven unit was called to action for an impromptu raid, they forgot to go back and get the swords. Consequently, the battle and then the war was lost.

Gartheniel then finished by saying, "Most of the swords have since been recovered...except for one."

Thanks to a combination of random rolls, pure gall and desperation, I suddenly had an interesting adventure location, a bit of local history and a quest suitable for a low-level character (go get yourself a magic sword!).

She hasn't been there yet (it's a 90' drop straight down into the ground and she has no rope), but she'll be back when she's prepared.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is why I love this stupid hobby.

Dear Cold Weather

Did you miss the memo? We have refrigerators now. In other words, we have conquered your ass with science.

Sincerely,

Dr Rotwang!

Tunnels & Trolls, Why Not?

Every now and again I like to crack this guy open, usually for no damn good reason, which I often find is the best reason; go make sense of that (I'll wait here). It's often a great reminder of how simple, straightforward and pantsless gaming can be; T&T is fairly easy to learn, easy to run, malleable in its rules and explicitly welcoming of silliness.

T&T is meant to be fun.

I hauled it out the other night not because I needed to be reminded of these things but because I saw it sitting on my self and said, in my dumb-guy voice, "Oh, wow, T&T." Specifically, I pulled out the 30th Anniversary Edition pictured to the left, but I have the 5th edition too. No, that's not really salient, is it.

Anyway, it's fun to goof with this game because, as I said, it welcomes you to goof with it. It's so wide-open as to beg for creativity and interpretation on your part -- kind of a sword-and-sorcery Traveller, really, in that sense.

I especially like its approach to monsters. Y'see, in T&T, monster have one stat -- Monster Rating (MR). It can range from 1 (if you feel like not challenging anyone) to...uh...well, as high as you want it to be. From this number, the monster's combat stats and hit points are figured; it's all-in-one. Nowhere does it say you can't give a particular monster a special attack, or trait, or blah blah blah, so...if you want to, you go right ahead and do that.

So let's say that I have a MR 15, uh...let's say it's a crab. Yeah, sure, it's a big yellow crab as big around as a card table, and it has big blue pincers why not. It smells vaguely of the sea and of vaseline (?!), and it inhabits the tide pools, sea-caves and beaches of...uh...the Ragged Coast. Sure.

Let's call it a Queen Crab, if for no other reason than the name has the word "crab" in it and "king crab" was taken. Maybe it has pink feet, look like slippers.

Now...here's where a hassle might occur. A Queen Crab has MR 15, right? So...how is it different from any other critter with MR15? Say, a MR 15 Thunder-goat, perhaps. Or a MR 15 Goblin. Mechanically, they're all the same -- they roll 2 dice and add 7. Where's the fun in that?!

A-HA! The fun is in the fact that T&T combat, like everything else in T&T, invites improvisation and storytelling. Combat rounds in this game aren't blow-by-blow; one side rolls its combat dice, the other side rolls its combat dice, totals are compared and the loser takes the difference in damage; players and GM retroactively narrate the events of the fight. What is so simple and straightforward in theory ends up being rich and nuanced in practice, as players and GM describe the fight in a much detail as they like, taking into account, say, the differences between fighting a thing with snapping pincers and one with explosive horns (what'd you think a Thunder-goat was, anyway?).

Come to that, the "Saving Roll" (read "attribute/skill checks") rules for T&T facilitate crazy combat tricks with which to spice up your fights. Want to get a few free hits on that Queen Crab by flipping it over with your foot and wailing on its under-carapace? Make a SR on Strength! Wanna draw the Goblin leader away from the pack so the party's wizard can cast Freeze Please on him? You can make a Dexterity SR to herd him away as you're fighting, make a Charisma SR to call him out with insults, make an Intelligence SR to observe and time the rythm of his attacks...whatever.

Now the differences between a crab and a goblin, as foes, regardless of their mechanical similarities, come clear.

Oh, my, yes.

Oh. And if you ever start looking at T&T and say, "Hey! How'm I supposed to make a cool character with only...what, four, five classes?", consider the brilliant but jaw-droppingly simple concept of talents, introduced in the 30th Anniversary Edition. Let's just say that, the other night, I created an Elf Barbarian (at my wife's suggestion) simply by rolling up an elf warrior and giving him the "Barbarian Might" talent. he's...not real good at it, since I made it Strength-based and his Strength is only an 8, but...well...

...hey, he'd be fun to play.

If you want some ideas of how loco you can get with this thing, do yourself a favor and check out The Hobgoblin's Tavern and The Tunnels & Trolls Archive -- my favorite bits therein are the magic items at the Tavern (check out the 'Yankee Rose' sword) and the combat rules at the archive, where you can find a nice, fast, logical system for called shots.

Then, go check out Eposic's T&T Section, where there's much to see -- and where you, too, can fight the Ugh Monster.

...Wow! I bloggered!

My Wife Pulls A Rabbit Out Of Her Hat (Again)

Just about...oh, twice a year, we drive up from Hoosierville-A to The Sovereign City Of Greenwood, which may or may not be a suburb of Indianadapolis or somesuch, but which either way has some cooler shopping options than we do here. Mainly, we like to hit up the Half-Price Books, Toys 'R' Us and Comic Carnival; we have a comics shop here (actually there are two) but Comic Carnival deals in all-around geekchandise a little moreso than the locals do.

Sometimes I get lucky and score a sweet find in one of those shops; I've come home with a copy of the D&D Rules Cyclopedia before, or the 30th anniversary T&T for instance. Then again, sometimes I find dingus, and on our last trip, which we took this Saturday, I was gettin' pretty bummed because it was turning out to be one of those dingus trips.

Oh, sure, I found the AD&D Wilderness Survival Guide and the 2nd Ed. Fighter's Handbook at HPB, but there was no real wow in that; those are common. TRU didn't yield the Concept Han Solo fig we've been looking for, either, so...oh, well.

Comic Carnival didn't have the collected Buckaroo Banzai: Return of the Screw TPB I was hoping for, and their gaming section is...umn...a D&D 3.x section. I sighed, put a Hellboy and a BPRD TPBs in my hand, and went to look at the boardgames, up at the front. Just, you know, in case.

They had a copy of Arkham Horror, but it was a little steep at the moment; there was a copy of the Star Munchkin RPG, but I can do stupid just fine by myself and anyway, you know, d20. Crestfallen, I just kind of stared.

Then I heard my wife say, and I quote,

"There's a Bullwinkle And Rocky Role-Playing Party Game."

My head snapped around with a trans-sonic crack. I followed her outstretched finger to a point under a table, where several vintage board games were, effectively, hidden -- and sure enough, there it was.


Unopened. Still in the shrinkwrap.

Ten bucks.

You bet your sweet bippy, I did.

ZING! Man...15 years ago I was at Universal Studios in Florida and I walked right by a towering display of those things, but owing to a lack of funds or time or brains I passed it up, and my foot's been stuck to my butt ever since.

It's...not in the shrinkwrap anymore.

I haven't read the whole thing, but I can tell you this: it comes with story-building cards (for a gameplay option which resembles Atlas Games' totally awesome Once Upon A Time...), spinners instead of dice, and hand-puppets. Warren Spector's name is on it and it has little stand-up character sheets with illos on front and 'powers' on the back. The Narrator, who is like a GM, gets a standup with an announcer's microphone on it.

ACES.

No, I haven't played it yet. Last night we had Leaky Pete over to make some Star Wars characters, because we're gonna play some of that. But my copy of Bullwinkle And Rocky Role-Playing Party Game is sitting next to my bed, and no offense to Mr. Edgar Rice Burroughs but A Princess Of Mars is on pause for the time being while I read through this garish, ridiculous little gem.

Again, I say: ACES.

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell

A few months ago, fellow blogger and good friend Meraud (aka T3H PHILXXORZ!1!!!) and his wife Erin gave me, as a gift, a copy of Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke -- the book you see here on the right. He and his lovely wife, both of whom can read, recommended the book to me and gave it to me with love and good wishes.

It'd be really funny if, at this point, I could say, "Those dirty rats!" or something, and then complain about the book being terrible and how it kicked my cat and blah blah blah, but....

...no.

This book is wonderful. I finally finished it last night and this book is wonderful.

A fantasy novel of English magic as written by Jane Austen -- a quick and easy way of describing it, but one that hardly does it justice. A compelling plot, interesting characters, the best villains I've read in years and an utterly immersive atmosphere make for a read that is by turns awe-inspiring, frightening, charming, thought-provoking, hilarious and puzzling.

Now, dig this:


IT'S
THE
AUTHOR'S
FIRST
NOVEL.

It's long; make time for it. It took me months, but then again I'm a slow reader -- not in the sense of, you know, mouthing the words as I read them but in that I pick up and put down and get distracted and come back and devour and fall asleep and hafta go to work and so on. Really I would've liked to have read it all in one week like Erin did, but...I am not the literature-consuming machine that my dear friend is. (However, during a break from Strange & Norrell, I read a Destroyer novel.)

An utterly gratifying book, although it ends with some loose ends. Dangit.

Oh, and there's a second book, The Ladies Of Grace Adieu, which is not a sequel but a collection of short stories set in the same world.

Bookstore ahoy.

If you loved Harry Potter, you will rip off your clothes and do the lambada with Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell.

Go read.

Mysterious Synergy

Okay, I'm back, and with a little more time to write.

So...for some reason, it occurred to me that D6 Fantasy might make a great system for running Spelljammer. I was in the shower at the time, which may help explain it but probably doesn't.

Ever notice how, sometimes, a game system will just leap out at you as a great option for a given setting, or type of game? I mean, out of all the choices you might have, one game above all the others will seem an ideal match to a given setting. For instance, you can hold up Forgotten Realms and say to yourself, "Well, I can run this with any D&D edition or variant, or Fudge, or HERO or GURPS or D6 or Rolemaster, really. But for some reason, I really want to use Rolemaster...!"

I do this a lot. I do not know why it happens.

It all points squarely at the subjectivity of enjoyment; that's the only reason I can give. Maybe it's just whim. But maybe, just maybe, it's alchemical -- a weird kind of intuitive, trans-conscious sense of what will add up to be greater than the sum of its parts.

And remember - this is all subjective. There is no formula; it just swings for you. I already had lots of fun playing Spelljammer using Fudge; it worked out very well. I just know that I have a feel for what a D6 Spelljammer game will be like for my players and myself, and it feels right.

Weird.

By the way. If you read the title of this post and thought of Jem, give yourself 5 points. If you thought of Larry Fast, give yourself 20. If you thought of both, either get out of my head or pay rent.

Two Great Tastes That Will Probably Taste Great Together

Not much time to write, here, but let's get this one out there while I'm still thinking about it:

PLUS

MIGHT EQUAL

Good GODDESS, I love taking a shower.

Game Ideas From Nowhere!

I love the creative process.

For no damn good reason, I thought of a premise for a SF game, today. I put pen to paper and here's what I wrote:

SF RPG IDEA

The planets of the Solar System are colonized. A single, monolithic mining and development consortium has control of the outer planets; Earth is impoverished, as all the money is out past the asteroids. A mining and development consortium holds a political?/social?/religious? grudge against Earth and Mars and will not supply them, will not trade with them. Diplomatic efforts are futile; emigrants are turned away; military force is useless (Earth & Mars simply don't have the muscle for it). The Inner Planets are filling up and their economy is slowing down.

Something must be done, but what? Piracy? Guerilla warfare? Inciting revolt? Social/Political subversion?

1. WHAT'S THE GRUDGE ALL ABOUT?
a. RELIGIOUS REASONS - Maybe the Outworlders (those folks past Mars) are a very isolationist, maybe even Puritan sect; maybe they're led by a charismatic prophet, like the Mormons were*; maybe they think that salvation/the Messiah/Ascension/whatever is Out There, and that it's not for unbelievers?

b. POLITICAL/SOCIAL - Maybe they're Communists/Socialists? Hippies? Environmentalists?

c. POLITICAL ONLY - Libertarians? Maybe they're hardline conservatives, maybe they're Monarchists. Maybe they founded a weird kind of corporate monarchy out there and decided, for ideological reasons, to close off their borders?

d. SOCIAL ONLY - Maybe the Outworlders have some sort of social model that they feel must stay pure and untainted to work. Maybe they're kind of like France, trying to keep their society/culture THEIRS and uninfluenced by ayone else? Or maybe they're bio-engineered transhumans looking to distance themselves from their roots?

2. BY THE WAY, WHAT'S THE TONE OF THIS GAME?
Definitely swashbuckly, space-pulp adventure. Maybe not with finned rocketships and so on, but definitely dramatic and zoomy. Maybe like Star Wars, but no Force, no mysticism -- just the space adventure aspects.

That's all I have so far, and I don't think it's any great shakes or anything. I'm just amazed that, by the simple act of writing stuff down as you think of it, you can generate so much (even between calls at work) to work with, turn, polish, change, re-arrange and otherwise goof around with.

I never get tired of it.

Image totally swiped from Kevin's Starship Gallery, by the way.

*I dunno much about the Mormons; I'm just guessing that their leader must have been a likable dude, is all.

And The Answer Is: Because I Am Stupid And Lazy

I can do goofy, cartoon-type voices. I do it for fun, but I have a niggling feeling that I may actually be good at it.

Like, get-paid-for-it good.

It's a hard gig to get, cartoon voice-overs. It seems there's a small group of 'em, and let me tell you, they are NOT sitting on their couches waiting for a gig. Get me?

Having a connection in the industry, I suspect, would give one a damn good leg up on getting oneself a job in voice acting.

...

...My cousin, with whom I have always been buddies, is the producer of one of Disney's animated TV shows.

Dear Michael %^%&ing Bay:

I'm up here in the *&#$@ing breakroom right now, &#^ing eating my lunch, and The Rock is on. This movie is so &%^*&&** %$#$@#$! It's full of cussing and shooting and dudes being macho and *&!@. I think I'm gonna ^&#@$ myself from watching it.

Yours,

Rotwang!

PS: Poop!

Things I Just Don't Understand

I'd like to take a quick break to talk, if I may, about

THINGS I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND

And these are some of them:

1. YOU CAN'T GET "SQUARE PEGS" ON DVD.
Walk into Best Buy, Circuit City, Wal-Mart, Target...any place that sells DVDs. Go in and look at all the TV series that you can buy collected on disc. What do you see? You see The Greatest American Hero, Miami Vice, Cheers, even Voyagers!. So...it's not like there's no 80's TV nostalgia market.

Wither Square Pegs?

If you're not familiar with it, Square Pegs may not only be the most accurate high school show ever, it was also chock full of New Wave music. It had clever and very quotable dialog, charming characters and a guest appearance by DEVO (at a bat mitzvah, no less). It aired on CBS back in '82-'83. It only lasted 1 season and was considered a failure, but it has a fan base. A fan base who would, you know, pay for a DVD set.

I can only guess that there's some sort of music rights issue keeping it off my shelf; as I mentioned, there was New Wave music positively freaking dripping out of this th-- no, wait, New Wave radiates. Anyway, it's probably that. But there's money to be made from settling it all up, so...I DON'T GET IT!

2. YOU CAN'T GET "THUNDARR THE BARBARIAN" ON DVD, EITHER.
While you're ou looking at the DVDs like I told you to, look for 70's/80s cartoon sets. Dungeons & Dragons, The Adventures Of Flash Gordon, He-Man, She-Ra, even the French He-Man series -- you can get 'em, no sweat. That's not resentment, now, you understand.

No, it's the same thing as before: no sense is getting made. Market? Check! Precedent? Check! DVD that I can buy?

...

...dingus. I DON'T GET IT!

3. ALL OF JAMES HORNER'S FILM SCORES SOUND THE SAME
You know what I'm taking about? Listen to Willow, Enemy At The Gates and Troy. THEY ALL HAVE THAT LITTLE "NUH-NUH NAAH NUUUUUUUhhhhh...!" thing in 'em. OVER and OVER and OVER again, to the point that the score is just "NUH-NUH NAAH NUUUUUUUuhhhhhhhh...!" with somethin' else tacked onto it. He gets paid for this. I DON'T GET IT!

I'm done. Thank you.

Leaves From the Inn Of the Dumb Setting

Here's some more of my recent dumbass creative output:

CASTLE BOTOX
High up in the Grunting Hills (q.v.) stands this castle whose sturdy Formica walls are said to be unscalable. Upon its awesome Plasticine Throne sits La Dama Maria Juana Catalina Inés Chancluda Y Greñuda del Nombre Que Sigue Y Sigue Aviones Trenes Y Automóviles Basta De Esto Ya (q.v.), a foreigner with thoughts of conquest. She is guarded by a small army of warrior Mariachis who blindly and questioningly follow her every command.

Deep within the catacombs beneath Castle Botox, it is said there springd from the earth an enchanted fountain; and from this fountain, whispers say, flows a rich, creamy Magic Gravy (q.v.) which, imbibed, gives one great powers...

THE BUXOM STRUMPET
One of four taverns in Drunkard's Hollow (q.v.), The Buxom Strumpet is a mid-class dive in the center of town. It is decorated in a "rustic boudoir" style, with lots of red lampshades and bearskin rugs and junk like that. The hooch is passable (for hooch, anyway), and there's plenty of it.

There is a buxom strumpet to be found here -- a wooden statue, her peeling paint worn off by time and drunken groping. She doesn't move.

If I thought I could stick to a plan, then yes, this would be a free pdf some day.

More High Dumbness

Here's an area map. I colored it, but didn't do much to clean it up. If you can read it, you're trying real hard.

The village of Maypole is based around the video for "Safety Dance". The Fortress of the Unknown Heroes is a ruined keep once held by a trio of adventurers whose identities are lost and up to the individual GM to decide, but I'm leaning towards Chrissy, Jack and Janet from "Three's Company". The Tor of Haunted Witches is a rock used by a coven of witches named Phyllis, Rosmerta and Levitra, who are haunted by the ghosts of their dead familiars -- a poodle, a chihuahua and a turtle. I don't know what The Glade of Unambiguous Chaos is, I rolled that name at random. Yes, that's right -- that little mushroom is labeled "Smoorph Village". I have my reasons.

Oh, and the elder of Pork is named Arnold Ziffel. Ha ha ha.

EDIT: The map scale is 1 hex = 2 miles. Ay, menso!

Wilderlands Of High Dumbness

So help me, I'm really into developing this right now.



A pair of excerpts from the Gazeteer:

Castle Nummknutts

Built in YD 1578, the domed Castle Nummknutts crouches like a bloated squirrel upon the hunched backs of the Hills of Distress and Woe (q.v.). It is said to be a place of weird chambers and strange hallways, not to mention bizarre rooms, odd parlors, peculiar closets and unusual privies. Formerly the home of Lord Bjorn the Fond-Of-Weirdness, this castle has been abandoned since his demise in a freak accident. No one has set foot in this haunted fortress since YD 1591...at least, no one who has done so -- and lived! BWA HA HA HA HA HA!

The People

The people of the Lands of the Wilderlands of high Dumbness are largely an unimpressive and uninteresting lot, with the average IQ being outpaced by the average shoe size and common pastimes running towards cow-tipping, casual fisticuffs and recreational drunkenness. They build their villages and take to their professions and live their dull little lives, getting in the way of dashing adventurers and other folks whose lives are less pointless.

I don't know why, but when I work on something serious, I'm just kinda 'meh'. But when it's time to get dumb...

RISUS Would Make A Great "Stargate: SG-1" Rules Set

When I say these words, my wife does not believe me.

She's the main "Stargate: SG-1" fan in our home, which is not to say that I don't like it; I like it bunches. Hell, I saw the movie about 5 times the first month it was out. It's just that I just don't like it as much as she does. Then again, to say "I don't like Stargate: SG-1 as much as my wife does" is kind of like a priest saying, "I'm not as Catholic as The Pope."

Anyway, the other day I had the thought in question, and after mulling it over a bit, I pitched it to my wife. "Why?" she replied, frowning and twisting her lip, making what you might call "Bwuh...?" face. I think it's because Risus lends itself very well to a comedy game, and she doesn't see it as a match for a...well, SG-1 isn't totally serious, but you get the idea.

I, however, think it's a great fit.

"While it is essentially a Universal Comedy System," author S. John Ross says at the beginning of Risus, "it works just as well for serious play (if you insist!)."

Behold now as I insist. Lo, my list of

REASONS WHY RISUS
WOULD BE GREAT AS A
STARGATE: SG-1 RPG

1. THE SYSTEM IS NO MORE COMPLEX THAN "SG-1" NEEDS IT TO BE.
It's a fast-moving task resolution system which facilitates a swift pace. Comedy depends on timing; so does action. Risus' rules are light enough to be done with quickly, and definitive enough to give solid results with as much definition and detail as a good GM really needs.

2. IT'S EASY TO MOW DOWN TONS OF JAFFA WITH JUST A FEW DIE ROLLS.
On the show, Jaffa are rarely so much a threat as they are an obstacle. The "Grunt-Squad" rules in Risus are tailor-made for the things that Jaffa do in a story, which is, basically, get killed off bit-by-bit or, if you're not lucky, capture you. Furthermore, if it's not a whole ton of 'em that needs blown away but rather just a couple of 'em, you can just roll against a straight Target Number to smoke their snake-bellied asses.

(A Quick Aside: If you have your freebie copy of Risus but not the Companion, you are really, really missing out. It's useful beyond Risus, and the "What The Heck Kind Of Conflict Is This?" Flowchart on p. 49 will -I repeat, will- take your understanding of the game to the freaking limit.)

3. STARTING RISUS CHARACTERS ARE SUITABLY COMPETENT WITH THEIR ON-SCREEN COUNTERPARTS.
This point breaks down into two parts: first off, you can scoot the TN scale down a little bit to reflect the general badassity of the average SG team member. Second, it's not hard at ALL to create a Decorated Air Force Pilot With A Past (4) or a Smarty-Pants Archaeology Professor (3). See? I just did it.

4. NO NEED FOR EXTENSIVE EQUIPSTUFF LISTS.
Oh, they're fun all right. But Risus's "Proper Tools" rule assumes that you have whatever you need in order to do what you do with your cliché, and has built-in mechanics for those cases when you don't. If you've seen the show enough, you know what those things are. Furthermore, it's not real hard to differentiate mechanically between a pistol, a P90, and a big-ass staff cannon.

For whacking a Jaffa, say, a P90 is considered a Proper Tool. You roll your appropriate cliché and that's that. A pistol is also proper, but as everyone knows, a little less effective; maybe you up the TN to kill him. A big-ass staff cannon, however, is more than proper; that's worth an extra die, if you ask me.

5. STARGATE-THEMED LITTLE CARTOON BASTARDS ARE DAMN EASY TO DRAW.


I think my point is made.

Okay, I hafta go. My wife wants to make a character...

Journey To The Center Of That Show I Don't Watch

It's not Rick Schroeder's fault.

Last night, my wife and I watched a made-for-TV movie called Journey to the Center of the Earth. It was an "RHI Weekend Movie", a distinction which, at the time, seemed innocent enough but which I've come to learn has more sinister connotations. We kept seeing promos for it, so of course we wanted to watch it because, dude -- dinosaurs. Right? I mean, sure, no Nazis, but...c'mon.

Now...I will admit to never having read Jules Verne's Journey to the Center of the Earth. However, I know enough about it to know that its protagonist is NOT a prize-fighting American scientist, nor does he get hired by a wealthy heiress to help her track down her missing husband in Alaska, nor is there a friendly Russian dude in it, NOR does it mostly concern some sort of tribal rivalry subplot centered around some Native American dudes and Thomas and the Magic Railroad's Peter Fonda in "I Am These Native People's God" mode.

In other words, why the hell did the film's producers call it Journey To The Center Of The Earth, and mention Jules Verne in the credits, when it is clearly NOT really based on Jules Verne's Journey to the Center of the Earth?

Oh, ho ho ho ho-HO. I'll tell you why.

Because the film's producers are Robert Halmi, Sr. and Robert Halmi, Jr. (the "RH" in "RHI"), who are also the producers of Sci-Fi Channel's epic mis-interpreted f***-up known shamelessly as "Flash Gordon".

I don't watch that show, so when I saw their names on the credits to Journey, the red flag did not go up and scream its warning in my face.

The fact that it's barely an adaptation is forgivable; it should've been called something else, just like I, Robot with Will Smith should've been called something else*, but what's double-plus unforgivable about this flick is the utter, bald-faced ineptitude with which it was made.

Oh! You want an example to back up my accusation? Very well: What's the first and, arguably, the biggest, most-important reveal in a story like this? Obviously, that big reveal is in the "Holy Crap, There's A Whole 'Nother World Down Here!" moment. That's the Wow Button; you press that. In this film, The Big Reveal is handled like this:

The principals walk out of a cave.

Oh, there's some gasping on their part, I think, followed by scientific assertions of just WTF, seriously. But the scene has all the dramatic weight and momentum of "Hey, I found a quarter in my pocket".

Pathetic.

Oh, yes, speaking of pathos: there are, indeed dinosaurs. Actually, there are two: some flying, feathered dinos ("There's a theory that modern birds are descended from flying dinosaurs", Professor Rick Schroeder asserts, citing a theory that probably wasn't around in the period in which the film is set), and a plesiosaur ("One of the most dangerous creatures that ever lived!" he explains, which, you know, might be accurate on account of it having been a carnivore), which attacks the PCs' -- I mean, the protagonists' raft.

That's it. The other denizens of Vancouver, British Col- er, the Earth's center are the aforementioned Native American dudes. That's cool, it makes sense that they're there, but...hello? Señores Halmi? Journey to the Center of the M-Fing Earth?

DINOSAURS? HELLO?!

...*sigh*

Truth to tell, the film's not a complete and total waste. No, it it serves a purpose, and it is of great use to anyone getting ready to run, say, a game of Hollow Earth Expedition:

Watch this flick.

Then, at the table, don't do that.


* I suggest "Will Smith vs. Some Robots". By no means an elegant title, but seriously -- what else do you need to see the flick?

What Would Journey Do?

OH! Oh, ho ho ho...! HA!

Thanks to Katertot, and by extension our Dear Mutual Good Friend Errn, I have just learned about The Holy Shrine Of Journey.

Dig:

Here in the HSOJ, we declare Pleasure as the Inalienable Right of the Journey of Life. Here-by and hence-forth, we proclaim:

1. Being happy is the Primordial Good.
2. Making people happy is the Primordial Act Of Good.

Therefore, Journey are the Primordial Beings of Good. Ye Shalt Have No Other Bands Before Them. Or Else.

Dig.

Star Frontiers And "Creative Refereeing"

You've heard about Star Frontiers Digitally Remastered, right? The Evil DM mentioned it some time back, and when I looked it over I was quite impressed by what Bill Logan has done to put Star Frontiers back into gamers' hands.

Chiefly I'm impressed by The Star Frontiersman -- a free 'zine dedicated to SF. This thing is bitchin' rad -- full of adventures, races, equipstuff, locations, artwork and items of interest to anyone running a science fiction game, period. Heck, there was even a one-page feature with some collected science fiction artwork for GM inspiration. It makes for damn good RPG support. HOW damn good? Well, I've never played Star Frontiers, but this stuff makes me want to.

The 'zine is up to issue #7. I was perooooooosing* it last night, and I came upon an article of special interest to me: "Creative Refereeing" By Brian Conway. (Go download it, it's free.) It's an article about adventure design and creation, and we know how I feel about that. I printed the article pages, read 'em, and brought 'em to work to play with.

The article details the author's process for putting together an adventure, by starting from a basic idea and fleshing out by asking and answering questions. He drops in some techniques for plotting backwards, for using red herrings, and for avoiding linearity. His process is similar to Ye Olde Adventure Funnel, not surprisingly, because brainstorming and fleshing out just makes sense.

Conway, however, does things a bit differently. The first thing I noticed was that he suggests starting not with a simple goal like I do but with a broad "treatment" (movie-style!) of your adventure, which you then poke and prod at to give it more definition. Solid advice, good stuff. I've been trying it, as I said, and I like it.

The biggest thing on which he and I diverge is on preparation: Conway praises it, and encourages you (the GM) to prepare your plot as much as you can. I quote:

Ultimately, it comes down to preparation. You may even be required to "wing it" to a degree. But a good referee improvises things like combat tactics and conversations with shopkeepers and such. Your preparation will limit your improvisation to a minimum. If you find yourself improvising frequently, particularly on important plot points, then you have not prepared well enough. While this is not the end of the world (or the galaxy), it is a mistake you should not repeat.

I, on the other hand, am all about having just enough to wing it, and then rushing in like a pantsless clown forced to entertain Queen Elizabeth at gunpoint.

The thing is, I don't really disagree with him. I think he makes perfect sense, honestly. On the other hand -and maybe this is just my wacky spirit-, I'm much more willing to change my plot at the drop of a hat; I don't wanna make a habitof it, but I wonder if Conway means to advise you to be as stuck to your guns as he comes across.

He has a bit of GM advice specific to SF's rules and setting, and the advice is good. The guy knows what he's doing, and I'm officially adding this article to my bag of tricks.

The test for me, however, is to avoid the temptation to backlslide into an over-preparatory, self-demanding perfectionist whose hat's too far down his head to see -- or, as it were, whose pants are too tight to boogie.

So! Star Frontiers Digitally Remastered. Go, scope, dig .

*Yes, that's how I say it. Wanna fight?

Apparently, Jim Henson's Hand Is Up My Butt

I took one'a them on-line personality quizzes, see?

You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know. You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems. Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green. Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!

The Muppet Personality Test

So so we're clear, I have the utmost respect for Mr Henson's work, all of it, and I miss him.

Mike Vs. Rotwang! In The World Series Of Nerds

Naturally, Mike had to go and give me grief about my "She-Ra" post. I set the porker straight by pointing out that I was talking about the She-Ra show AND Larry DiTillio.

He replied, and I quote,

She-Ra.

And how does one play Call of Cthulu?

"The world is being devoured by an infinitely horrific entity larger than anything you can imagine. You can roll a d6 if you want to, but the fact is that no matter what number comes up, you will die in the ensuing cataclysm. Horribly. Want a Surge?"

<3,

-Mike

Oh, ha ha, Mike. Yeah, I'd never heard that one before.

So I fired this back at his punk ass, because he had it coming:

Ha ha ha. The Oldest Straw Man In The Book.

That's not how you play Cthulhu, yo. A good Cthulhu game is all about the investigation -- the building of dread, of tension, of the twisting of What You Know into What You Wish You Could Forget.

Sure, cosmic horror is built on the precept that we are alone in a cold, uncaring universe beyond our understanding control...but what makes that scary is that we, humans, are going to try to understand it and control it anyway. This of course explains and motivates the actions of your PCs and of their enemies. The ultimate conclusion may be a foregone one, but what you can do in the moment is a little triumph -or failure- all your own.

And that's heroic, and THAT is how you play Call of Cthulhu.

Chump.

I think the winner is clear, here. I mean, I like Mike, but the kid's a chump.

"I Fought A Barber Man!"

First, please dig this crazy video.



Now...what's that guy doing? Or, more importantly -- what is he not doing?

Well, he's not hunting werewolves, that's for damn sure.

Once again it falls upon me to save the D6 Adventure-playing world from lycanthropes near and far.

BENNY LAVA
Werewolf-Hunting Bollywood Star

REF 3D+1 acrobatics 3D+2, dodge 4D, melee combat 4D, brawling 3D+2, dancing 4D+1
COO 2D+2 marksmanship 3D
PHY 3D stamina 3D+2
PRE 3D+1 charm 4D, persuasion 3D+2, disguise 3D+2
KNO 2D+1 scholar: werewolves 4D+1, languages 2D+2
PER 3D+1 tracking: werewolves 4D+1

ADS/DISADS: Fame (R1): Known Bollywood Star; Skill Bonus (1) - Acting: +1 to charm, con, disguise; Devotion (R2): Kill all werewolves!

Char. Pts. 5, Fate Pts. 1, PHY Damage 1D Move 10m

Equipment: Werewolf-hunting kit, sunglasses, cool jacket

Two things have long set Benny Lava apart: his natural charm and flexibility, and the fact that his family was slaughtered by werewolves. Vowing revenge and working with the hand he's been dealt, Benny has parlayed his charisma and physique into a successful entertainment career, and has trained himself to be a werewolf-killing machine.

You're welcome.