Thursday, October 11, 2007

Can't Stop Makin' Risus Characters

It's crazy. It's, like, all I do anymore. Eat, sleep, watch Doctor Who, and stuff like this:

SISTER MARY OPHELIA OF THE SACRED ORDER OF THE THREE-ROUND BURST

DESCRIPTION: A modest-looking, if athletic, nun in black habit and wimple. She wears wire-frame glasses and no makeup. Underneath her robes is an arsenal of small arms worthy of a Guns & Ammo centerfold. She is ruthlessly dedicated to her task, which usually involves shooting PCs real good.


Pistol-Packin' Nun (4), Surprisingly Good Athlete (3), Religious Zealot (3)

She is often accompanied by her backup team, a Quartet of Gun-Toting Battle-Nuns (5).


INSPECTOR LOMBARDI, OF THE POLICE

DESCRIPTION: A trench-coat-and-fedora-wearing walking cliché of the police inspector. Uptight, suspicious and constantly on alert. He's tall and thin and wears a pencil-thin mustache. Always introduces himself as 'Inspector Lombardi, of the Police", even if you've already met him.


Police Inspector (3), 4-Time Winner of the National Trivia Contest, Sponsored By Waffle-Os Cereal (4), Dedicated Aerobiczer (3)


KYLE OVERTON-BRISBY III

DESCRIPTION: 20-something blonde-haired East Coast yuppie. Wears Dockers, Polo shirt, deck shoes and a teal Izod sweater tied around his shoulders. Likes to impress people with his conspicuous upward mobility, and is fond of using trendy buzzwords like "chipotle", "conspicuous upward mobility" and so on.


BMW-Driving Yuppie (3), Junior Investment Banker (3), Clothes Horse (2), Closet Rocky Horror Fan (1)


GRIMALDA O'BOYLE

DESCRIPTION: A cackling, green-skinned witch. Smells like cobwebs and fish, for whatever damn reason. Wears a pointed hat and stirs her cauldron a lot. The whole bit!


Witch [3], Avant Garde Hairdresser (2), Former Roller Derby Player (2)


TL7

DESCRIPTION: A clunky, 1930's-style robot with rivets, hoses, blinking lights and so on. Has big metal pincers and a miniature twirling radar dish on his dome. TL7 clicks and whirs like a a typewriter making out with a telex machine (incidentally, something that he thinks about now and again, to his robotic shame), even when he's standing still. His voice is deep and booming; think of Robby The Robot in Forbidden Planet. He might sound like Barry White, though, if that's funnier.


Robot (4), Majordomo (3), Connoisseur of Fine Wines & Cheeses (2), Ballerina (1)


What gives?!